Profile Stuff
by FirstJonasArmy
Summary: I know I hate when im on my iPod or phone and people have these amazingly long things on their profiles. So i'm posting all mine in here :
1. Chapter 1

Follow me on twitter FirstJonasArmy and subscribe to my youtube its princessharshdeep, I also upload my fanfic on there :) And please sub my collab channel.

.com/user/princessharshdeep

.com/user/JemiLove13x3

Speaking of my collab, I'm going to be posting the Chapters on here too. If you want to read ahead though, look and the link above, if they dont work, type it in. Here's the link to the Runaway Love (My collab) Trailer: .com/watch?v=BKYjiJX9jbk

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won't repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God

his is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiilling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

I'm sorry I have cursed you all with having to put this on your profile, but... even though I know it won't happen, WHAT IF IT DID!

**I'm into THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual**

**I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude**

I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot

**I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy**

**I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth**

**I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive**

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control

I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer

**I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish**

I'm a GOOD LIAR, so everything that comes out of my mouth MUST be a lie.

I got to PRIVATE SCHOOL, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's butt

I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian

**I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant**

I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual

I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict

**I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian**

I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

**I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life**

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch

**I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention**

**I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean**

**I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder**

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

**I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all**

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS

**I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math**

I'm AFRICAN AMERICAN, so I MUST be on welfare

I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist

I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be an idiot with a jock boyfriend

I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy

I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

**I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports**

**I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time**

I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi

I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek

**I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious**

**I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser**

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals

**I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible**

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

**I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up**

**I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life**

**I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention**

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too

**I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist**

**I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd**

**I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life**

**I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try**

I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans

**I listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature**

**I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet**

**I HATE HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST have no inner child**

**I wear HOLLISTER and AEROPOSTALE, so I MUST be a stupid and rich preppy slut.**

**I don't ADORE Twilight, so I MUST not believe in true love.**

**Stop stereotypes! Copy this list into your profile and add any more that you can think of. BOLD ones are me.**

At age 8, your dad buys you an ice cream. You thanked him by dripping

it all over his lap.

When you were 9 years old, he paid for piano lessons. You thanked him

by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old he drove you all day, from soccer to

football to one birthday party after another. You thanked him by jumping out

of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, he took you and your friends to

the movies. You thanked him by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, he warned you not to watch

certain TV shows. You thanked him by waiting until he left the house.

When you were 13, he suggested a haircut that was in fashion.

You thanked him by telling him he had no taste.

When you were 14, he paid for a month away at summer camp.

You thanked him by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, he came home from work, looking for a hug.

You thanked him by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, he taught you how to drive his car. You

thanked him by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, he was expecting an important call. You thanked him

by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, he cried at your high school graduation. You thanked

him by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, he paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus

carried your bags. You thanked him by saying good-bye outside the dorm

so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 25, he helped to pay for your wedding, and he told you

how deeply he loved you. You thanked him by moving halfway across the

country.

When you were 50, he fell ill and needed you to take care of him . You

thanked him by reading about the burden parents become to their

children.

And then, one day, he quietly died. And everything you never did came

crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

Never take your dad for granted, you have no idea what you are missing. Love him

and thank him while he's alive.

If you truly love your dad, post this to your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

Copy this into your profile if, even though he's a drug addict crazy depressed emo guy, you idolize Fang!

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, post this in your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you talk so fast no one can understand you unless they try really hard and even then it's a struggle, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have a teacher who doesn't know what the heck there doing and you hate them because they annoy you paste this into your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you have ever had the sudden desire to own a tazer, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you happen to still talk to your imaginary Friend and occasionally punch him/her because they are know it alls copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friend(s) think you're crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don't care copy and paste this is your pro.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insanse, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you think the world is heading to a bad place, and are planning on doing something about it by making wonderful stories, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex.

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can freak someone out just by glaring at them, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think Max and Fang should confess their love for each other, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuals, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an annoying younger-or older- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever run up a "down" escalator, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday

If you are crzay, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fang and Max should have gotten together in the first book, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think peoplewho only like Paramore because of Twilight are losers, than copy this into your profile.

_**MAX-RIDE QUOTES!**_

_**Max: "Will you quit that?"**_

_**Fang: "Quit what? Breathing?"**_

_**Max: "You know what."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 11**_

_**Gasman: "What does that mean" (points to a sign that says, 'Stay Off the Third Rail!')**_

_**Fang: "It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 254**_

_**Fang: "Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"**_

_**Max: "Why, is your head missing some?"**_

_**The Angel Experiment, Pg. 214**_

_**Fang: "Can I interest you in a bit of raw desert rat?"**_

_**Nudge: "Oh, no!"**_

_**Fang: (pops into mouth, chews, and swallows loudly) "Can't get fresher."**_

_**Nudge: "Ugh!"**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 147**_

_**Dr. Martinez: "I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"**_

_**Max: "Um, no." Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please?**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 93**_

_**The Gasman: "This is nice. It's like summer camp."**_

_**Fang: "Yeah, Camp Bummer. For wayward mutants."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 216**_

_**Max: "I'm okay now. Maybe it's a stomach bug or something." Yeah, the kind of stomach bug that causes brain cancer.**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 229**_

_**Max: "Sixty dollars?"**_

_**Fang: "He was a total jerk. Take him for all he's got."**_

_**Max: "You are evil. I like that."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 168**_

_**Fang: "Yes! Freaks rule."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 169**_

_**Mike: "Where's your gear?"**_

_**Fang: "We don't have any gear. Spooky, isn't it?"**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 267**_

_**Random Person: "Is this a movie?"**_

_**Max: Nah – this is too original for Hollywood. They do sequels.**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 289**_

_**Dean: "Max, we want to help you. But you've got to help us to. Fair is fair."**_

_**Max: "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you have a stronger motive for me than 'fair is fair'. Life isn't fair, Dean. Nothing is fair, ever. Try 'I need you to help me so I won't rip out your spine and beat you with it.' I might respond to that. Maybe."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 39-40.**_

_**Max: "He's gonna be fine."**_

_**Iggy: "Can we see him?"**_

_**Max: "Ig, I hate to break this to you, but you're blind. However, in a little while you can go listen to him breathe and maybe talk to him."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 46-47**_

_**Max: "Of course, the prince gets his own bed all to himself."**_

_**Fang: "That's right. The prince has a gaping side wound."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 49**_

_**Iggy: "Max? Can I come in?"**_

_**Max: "No – I'm in a towel."**_

_**Iggy: "I'm blind."**_

_**Max: "No! You're kidding! Are you sure?"**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 84**_

_**Max: "Something's wrong with me, but I don't know what."**_

_**Fang: "You'll be okay."**_

_**Max: "How do you know?"**_

_**Fang: "Because I know everything, as I keep reminding you."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 86-87**_

_**The Gasman: (In Mr. Pruitt's voice) "You ignorant little sah-vages. You malignant little fiends." (Then in Max's voice) "But sir, our parents are missionaries. Lying is the Tenth Commandment. They're innocent of all wrongdoing. What's a stink bomb?"**_

_**Iggy: "Is lying really the Tenth Commandment?"**_

_**Max: "No idea."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 134**_

_**Fang: "So I guess we just kiss the world good-bye."**_

_**Max: "So funny. You're quite the wit."**_

_**Fang: "The ladies like it."**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 173-174**_

_**Max: "Fang! This is a huge break! Of course we should go check it out!"**_

_**Fang: "But we're grounded."**_

_**(Stare at each other for a second and then burst out laughing.)**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 186**_

_**Fang: "Holy (insert a swear word of your choice here)."**_

_**The Angel Experiment, pg. 383**_

_**Max: "Did you know that wasn't me, the other Max?"**_

_**Fang: "Yeah."**_

_**Max: "When?"**_

_**Fang: "Right away."**_

_**Max: "How? We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?"**_

_**Fang: (grins) "She offered to cook breakfast."**_

_**Max and Fang: (laughs)**_

_**School's Out – Forever, pg. 398-399**_

_**Max: "Lay off the freaking horn!"**_

_**Nudge: "Sorry, it's just so much fun – it sounds like a party."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 7**_

_**Max: "We'll be like cavemen, trying to weave clothes out of plant fibers. We'll have nothing! Nothing! All because you and the kids want to kick back in a La-Z-Boy during the most important time in history!"**_

_**Fang: "So maybe we should sign you up for a weaving class. Get a jump on all those plant fibers."**_

_**Max: "I hate you!"**_

_**Fang: "No you dooonnn't!"**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 40**_

_**Iggy: "Look, just because Max isn't here doesn't mean all the rules have gone out the window. She left me in charge, and I'm gonna make sure to do everything she would –" (Tries to hold a straight face then cracks up)**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 41**_

_**Max: "What the heck are you doing?"**_

_**Fang: "Helping you change your mind." (Leans in and kisses her)**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 52**_

_**Fang: "We're going to pretend nothing's going on? That's stupid. The only way to deal with any of this is to get it out in the open."**_

_**Max: "Have you been watching Oprah again?"**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 63**_

_**Dr. Martinez: "Fang? Are you – like Max?"**_

_**Fang: "Nope. I'm the smart one."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 70**_

_**Max: "So, you have your price. Your soul for a cookie."**_

_**Fang: (flips max off)**_

_**Max: (grins and then sticks her tongue out at him)**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 72**_

_**Fang: "You still want to do this? Bark once for yes."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 81**_

_**Max: "Fang?"**_

_**Fang: "Yeah. I'm here."**_

_**Max: "I'm so glad you're here."**_

_**Fang: "Yeah, I got that."**_

_**Max: "I don't know what I'd do without you."**_

_**Fang: "You'd be fine."**_

_**Max: "No. I'd be totally unfine. Totally."**_

_**Fang: "It's okay. Just relax. Just… relax. Don't try to talk."**_

_**Max: "I don't want my chip anymore. Actually, I never wanted that chip."**_

_**Fang: "Okay, we're taking it out."**_

_**Max: "I just want you to hold my hand."**_

_**Fang: "I am holding your hand."**_

_**Max: "Oh, I knew that… Fang, don't go anywhere."**_

_**Fang: "I won't. I'm here."**_

_**Max: "Okay, I need you here. Don't leave me."**_

_**Fang: "I won't."**_

_**Max: "Fang, Fang, Fang. I love you. I love you sooo much."**_

_**Fang: "Oh, jeez."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 84-85**_

_**Max: "What I said yesterday didn't mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!"**_

_**Fang: "Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I'll go carve out initials in it."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 86**_

_**Max: "What I said yesterday didn't mean anything! I love everyone in the flock! Plus, it was the Valium talking!"**_

_**Fang: "Uh-huh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me. Pick a tree. I'll go carve out initials in it."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 86**_

_**Fang: "There is one bright side to this."**_

_**Max: "Yeah? What's that?"**_

_**Fang: (grins) "You looove me." (Holds arms out wide) "You love me this much."**_

_**Max: (Shrieks)**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 102**_

_**Jeb: "Any nausea? Headache?"**_

_**Max: "Yep. And it's standing here talking to me."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 116**_

_**Jeb: "The truth is, Max, nothing is as it seems."**_

_**Max: "Uh-huh. Is that what the aliens told you when you quit wearing your foil hat?"**_

_**Anne: "The truth is, Max, you're at the School."**_

_**Max: "No freaking duh. And uh, wait – let me guess – I'm some kind of bird-kid hybrid. And you captured me. And, and, I'm strapped to a hospital bed. I bet I even have wings. Am I right?"**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 117**_

_**Ter Borcht: "You haf a malfunctioning chip, you get debilitating headaches, and your leadership skills are sadly much less than ve had hoped for."**_

_**Max: "And yet I could still kick your doughy Eurotrash butt from here to next Tuesday. So that's something."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 136**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Vhat ozzer abilities do you haf?"**_

_**Gazzy: "I have x-ray vision." (looks at ter Borcht's chest and then looks appalled)**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 137**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"**_

_**Nudge: "You mean, like, besides the wings?"**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Yes. Besides de vings."**_

_**Nudge: "Hmm. Besides de vings. Um… I once ate nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Hardly a special talent."**_

_**Nudge: "Yeah? Let's see you do it."**_

_**Gazzy: (in ter Borcht's voice) "I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 138**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Does anysing on you vork properly?"**_

_**Iggy: "Well, I have a highly developed sense of irony."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 139**_

_**Ter Borcht: "You don't speak much, do you?"**_

_**Fang: …**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Vhy do you let a girl be de leader?"**_

_**Fang: "She's the tough one."**_

_**Max: Dang right.**_

_**Ter Borcht: "Is dere anysing special about you?"**_

_**Fang: "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 139**_

_**Gazzy: (in ter Borcht's voice) "I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!"**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 140**_

_**Max: "Now, let's say they come get us."**_

_**Iggy: "And, like, the halls are full of zebras."**_

_**Gazzy: "And suddenly tons of bubbles everywhere."**_

_**Nudge: "And then everyone starts eating beef jerky."**_

_**Iggy: "Yeah, I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill all the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky right into their eyes. Now that's a plan!"**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 149-150**_

_**Ter Borcht: "It is time to eliminate you. You haf failed all de tests. You are not useful."**_

_**Max: "No, but we're dang cute."**_

_**Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, pg. 154**_

_**"I vill now destroy da snickahs bahrs!" -Gazzy**_

_**"I feel like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy**_

_**"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'Freaking Nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows." -Max**_

_**"Rawr!" -Fang**_

_**"I had never, ever wanted to kill anyone more, not even last summer when Iggy had shredded my only, favorite pair of non-Goodwill pants to make a fuse long enough to detonate something from fifty feet away." -Max**_

_**"Let's get out of here. A Ouija board just told me to save the world." -Max**_

_**"In this store, he'd exchanged his basic black ensemble for a slightly different basic black ensemble." -Max**_

_**"Hmm. Clear vainilla notes, too sweet chocolate chips, distinct flavor of brown sugar. A decent cookie, not spectacular. Still, a good-hearted cookie, not pretentious." -Max**_

_**"Note to self: stop punching inanimate objects." -Max**_

_**"Nudge is a great kid, but that motormouth of hers could turn Mother Teresa into an ax murderer." -Max**_

_**"Yeah, this is what we needed. A staircase going down to the Dark Place." -Fang**_

_**"Just walk. Keep walking. Walk the walk." -Max**_

_**"That fat guy could make a movie - like Bowling for Columbine or something." -Iggy**_

_**"Senator Dude, um, we have a problem with these sicko scientists." -Fang**_

_**"Note to self: give subconscious a pep talk re: better dreams." -Max**_

"_**It was you or him. I'm glad you picked you." –Fang**_

"_**Here. Have a dog." –Max**_

"_**You... are... a... fridge... with... wings. We're... freaking... ballet... dancers." –Fang**_

"_**Boy, you just can't kill people like you used to." –Fang**_

"_**They were bad fliers. And in their minds, they weren't all 'Kill the mutants', like they usually are. They were like, 'Remember to flap!'" –Angel**_

"_**Accident." –Max**_

"_**Accident? With what, a rabid bear?" –Paramedic**_

"_**Kind of." –Max**_

"_**And how do you spell that?" –FBI investigator**_

"_**Captain, like the captain of a ship. And then Terror, you know, T-E-R-R-O-R." -Gazzy**_

"_**Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries." –FBI investigator**_

"_**No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work, and all." –Max**_

"_**Have you ever been to Colorado?" –FBI investigator**_

"_**Is that one of those square states, in the middle?" –Max**_

"_**I wanted to grab the front of his shirt, throw him against the wall, get some answers. But I'm trying to outgrow that kind of thing." –Max**_

"_**So, Fnick, can I change the channel? There's a game on." –Iggy**_

"_**Make yourself at home, Figgy." –Fang**_

_**"I look like prep school Barbie. Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I'm just Barbie's friend." -Nudge-MaximumRide-SOF**_

_**"Those wacky Brits called fries 'chips'. And potato chips were 'crisps'. And cookies were 'biscuits'. I had no idea what real biscuits were called. Wangdoodles?" ~Max-MR-StWaOES**_

_**Jeb turned to her. "She's incorruptible." Bully for me. "At least by power." I said. "You haven't tried chocolate or cute shoes" ~Max and Jeb-MR-Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports.**_

_**"I'm hit, Max. They got me. I guess I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse, huh?" Okay. In my experience, if you're really hit or seriously hurt, you don't say much. -Total and Max-MAX**_

_**Fang swerved closer to me, big and supremely graceful, like a black panther with wings. Oh, God. I'm so stupid. Forget I just said that. -Max-MAX**_

_**"What's your name?" "Isabella von Frankenstein Rothschild." -Angel answering Steve-MAX**_

_**"I'm only a kid! I can't get married!" "You could in New Hampshire." -Max and Angel-MAX**_

_**"South America. It'll be warm. They have llamas. You like llamas." -Max-MAX**_

_**"Optimism is overrated, Max. Its better to face realitly head-on." -The Voice-SOF**_

_**"Have you guys been playing in the toxic waste again? Been bitten by a radioactive spider? Struck by lightning? Drink a super-soldier serum?" -Fang-FW**_

_**"Your middle name is 'Charging Off.'" -Total-MAX**_

_**"I choose you, Max" Fang-MAX**_

_**"'We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?' (Max)**_

_**He turned to me and grinned, making my world brighter. 'She offered to cook breakfast.'" (Fang)**_

_**"'You were designed to be very smart, Max,' she told me. 'We electrically stimulated your synaptic nerve endings while your brain was developing.' (The director)**_

_**'And yet I still can't program my DVD player,' I said." (Max)**_

_**"Fang, are you-like Max?"(Dr. Martinez) "Nope, I'm the smart one."(Fang)STWAOES**_

_**"'Fang, Fang, Fang, I love you thiiiis much!'(Max) 'Oh, jeeze.'"(Fang)**_

_**"Opps, guess they forgot to prograhm us with respect for authority."(Max)**_

_**"There, decades of psycho logic picked apart in three secongs by an eleven-year-old. Take that modern science!"(Max)**_

_**"He permitted himself a small grin. Max had always teased that the Flock had voted Fang 'Most Likly to Become a Cult Leader.'"(Fang's thoughts)**_


	2. Chapter 2

A true boyfriend

When she walks away from you mad

Follow her. When she stares at your mouth

Kiss her. When she pushes you or hits you

Grab her and don't let go. When she starts cussing at you

Kiss her and tell her you love her. When she's quiet

Ask her whats wrong. When she ignores you

Give her your attention. When she pulls away

Pull her back. When you see her at her worst

Tell her she's beautiful. When you see her start crying

Just hold her and don't say a word. When you see her walking

Sneak up and hug her waist from behind. When she's scared

Protect her. When she lays her head on your shoulder

Tilt her head up and kiss her. When she steals your favorite hat

Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night. When she teases you

Tease her back and make her laugh. When she doesn't answer for a long time

reassure her that everything is okay. When she looks at you with doubt

Back yourself up. When she says that she likes you

she really does more than you could understand. When she grabs at your hands

Hold hers and play with her fingers. When she bumps into you

bump into her back and make her laugh. When she tells you a secret

keep it safe and untold. When she looks at you in your eyes

don't looks away until she does. When she misses you

she's hurting inside. When you break her heart

the pain never really goes away. When she says its over

she still wants you to be hers. When she re-post this bulletin

she wants you to read it - Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go- When she says she's OK don'tbelieve it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Call her before you sleep and afteryou wake up- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;

"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :

Call you.

Kiss you.

Love you.

Text you.

Guys post as: "I'd be this boyfriend."

Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do


	3. Chapter 3

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,

Your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home...

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you have ever gotten so sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember what you were talking about in the first place, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever been forced to sit through a movie so old that King Arthur himself probably wrote the script, copy this.

If you get upset often because you can't become a knight, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you can smell trouble a mile away, and still walk straight into it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you trip over flat surfaces copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have a wide range variety of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you call book characters "Cute" even though you've never actually seen them, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever cried because one of your charecters dies, copy this.

If you come up with stories faster than you can write them...crud...I just came up with another one.

If you talk to your book charcters copy this.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile

If you ran up a down escalator copy this into your profile

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions? :)

Copy this and paste it on your profile if you think sarcasm is a conditioned reflex.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever wished you could talk to animals, paste this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever stared at something while you're walking and then walked headfirst into a pillar copy this into your profile

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought your paper would protect you, you buttmuncher."

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in one corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to open the doors, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open by themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them all to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at every floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises whenever someone else pushes a button.

10. Stare grinning at another person for a while, then say, "I have new socks on."

11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square with chalk on the floor then say to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug with the other passengers. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say that you're waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi, Greg. How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone bends to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend that you're a flight attendant, and review emergency exits with the other passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Yell, "Group hug!", then enforce it.

23. Make race car noises when someone gets on or off.

24. Congradulate all for being in the same lift as you.

25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you just shup UP!"

26. Walk in with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!", then whistle innocently.

28. Let your cell phone ring-don't answer it.

29. Walk into the lift and say, "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."

30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when others don't.

31. Ask people which floor they want, then say, "Is that your final answer?"

32. Also in your bellboy act, ask people what floor they want. Whenever they answer, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

33. Ask loudly, "Did you feel that?"

34. Tell different people that you can see their aura.

35. When the door closes, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

36. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

37. Dress up in a long black cloak with a hood, stare at everyone, and in a deep voice announce: "It is time..."

38. Say your Majesty when anybody gets on.

39. Introduce yourself as Lord Voldemort.

40. Ask people which floor they want and why, and then announce that you're going to the floor with Olympus on it because you didn't steal any lightening.

41. Hang Ethan Hunt style from the ceiling of the elevator and speak ominously when someone enters "Heloooooooo"

42. Still hanging from the ceiling, drop onto whoever comes in.

43. Try to make up and sing lyrics for the boring elevator music.

44. Try to start a My-Briefcase-is-better-than-yours contest.

45. Hold a ring and say, "My precious"


End file.
